I got my first smart phone on my 16th birthday, a little less than five years ago.
It was lime green, and shiny, and new, and perfect, and I could finally be included in those awesome group messages all of my friends were always chatting in and about. But group messages weren’t the only thing I was excited about. I promptly downloaded Instagram and Facebook, thrilled that I could finally post my own photos with clever captions and be tagged in posts with my friends. Twitter followed about two years later, and Snapchat shortly after that. So began four and a half years of sitting on my couch, scrolling through my phone and seeing all of the fun, exciting things my friends, acquaintances, and favorite celebrities were up to (in my mind, without me).
Four and a half years of being on some form of social media for at least an hour a day, nearly every single day. That’s 1,642 days, give or take a few for leap year and those few days a year where I was somewhere without wifi. 1,642 days of being bombarded by messages telling me that other people were happier than me, had more exciting and fulfilling lives than me, were prettier, and healthier, and just better than me. 1,642 days of posts sending the message that the world is coming to a fiery end, that human beings are despicable creatures, and that people with certain views or life-styles are somehow worth less as people.
As someone who already struggled with low self-esteem, low confidence, and fairly frequent depressed mood, all of this took its toll on me, especially in the last year or so. Between school, work, and all of these constant negative messages, I became physically and mentally exhausted. Not just the kind of tired that makes you want to curl up with a cup of tea and watch Netflix for a little bit. No, I was the kind of exhausted that had me crying ugly tears, in the middle of the day, for absolutely no logical reason. I was the kind of exhausted that kept me from keeping in touch with my friends. I was the kind of exhausted that depleted my motivation for almost everything and had me dreading things I used to enjoy.
This past year has taught me a lot, but one of the biggest lessons I have learned comes in two parts. The first part is that is that no matter how hard we try, there are some things in life that we cannot control. Things happen to us that we don’t anticipate or enjoy. We get sick, we have accidents, we lose people we love, we get let down. These are facts of life and that will never change. The second part of that lesson is that there are more things that we can control than those we can’t, and by not taking that power into our own hands, by not choosing to help ourselves when we can, we are choosing to live lives that do not reach their fullest potentials. I got tired of being tired. More than that, I was tired of feeling bad for myself, so I took control and I did something about it.
Giving up social media for one week may not seem like such a huge deal, but for me it was big. I didn’t ever see myself as someone who was addicted to it like so many other people today seem to be, but it had become a strangely large part of my life. Going on social media was how I started and ended most of my days, how I spent most of my lunch breaks, and what I turned to almost every time I felt myself getting bored with something else. I worried that while I was “gone” I would miss something big from one of my friends, or offend people by not liking their posts or responding to comments or notifications (as it turns out, there were very few notifications to respond to anyway so I had nothing to fear!). But eventually, my need for change overcame my fear of missing out, and I began what I called my “social media detox”.
My plan was to give up social media completely for an entire 7 days, with the hopes that maybe it would let me recollect a bit before returning to it. I turned off all of my notifications and moved all social media apps to another page on my phone to avoid temptation. Then I let the detox begin!
I thought it might be difficult given how much of a habit mindlessly scrolling through my phone had become, but it was surprisingly easy. Actually, right from the very first day it felt as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I hadn’t realized how much going on social media had begun to feel like a chore, like something I had to do, until it was something that I was choosing not to do. When I saw something interesting on a walk I no longer felt like I had to get a picture of it and come up with a clever way to caption it. When something funny or annoying happened at work I didn’t have to figure out a way to word it so that if I tweeted it it would come across just as funny or annoying as it did in real life. When I got bored I no longer reached for my phone, but a paint brush and canvas, or my workout clothes, or a crossword puzzle.
During that week I was more productive, more creative, and significantly less sad than I had been in a long time. I was still out-of-my-mind-exhausted from work, and feeling lonely from not having seen any friends for so long, but I was no longer being reminded of all of the fun things people were doing together while I was alone. I was no longer reading about people who thought that it was okay to demean and degrade another based on their beliefs. I no longer felt the pressure I had been feeling to be doing all of the things that everyone else my age seemed to be doing. I felt free and not at all like I was missing anything.
I was surprised when at the end of my self appointed detox week I felt absolutely no interest in returning to those apps and seeing what I might have missed. It was another two days before I decided to open each one for just a moment to check and see if I had anything to respond to or accept.
That was in July. I still have yet to move those apps back to their original spots front and center in my phone, and have no plans to do that any time soon. I have not turned any notifications back on, and other than responding to a few random snapchats from my sister and checking every few days for anything important, I have hardly even opened any of those apps at all. It still feels amazing. I think I have spent maybe an hour total on any form of social media in the last two months, and guess what? The world continues to turn.
I don’t believe it is a coincidence that the rates of depression and anxiety have risen in teens and young adults at the same time as the rise in social media use among those groups, and neither do many professional psychologists and researchers. I felt the negative influence those sites were beginning to have on me and I made the choice to take that power away. This however, does not mean that I am boycotting all social media forever, nor does it mean that I believe social media is entirely evil. I am taking my power back and using it to change how I use social media in my own life. I will follow only the people who are closest to me and who post things that inspire me, or make me laugh, or show me pictures of my adorable baby cousins. I will post only things that show my appreciation for others and hopefully that will inspire people or make someone smile. I will not begin and end my days by laying in bed scrolling through my phone and comparing myself to others.
I encourage you to try it too, in any capacity you choose. Maybe you don’t wan’t a full detox. What about a spring (or autumn) cleaning of your following list? Maybe you set aside a specific amount of time each day for social media and you stick to that time only? What about trying a detox for a weekend instead of a full week? Maybe you think this is all stupid and you wouldn’t dare change your social media habits in the slightest; that works too. Whatever you do, just remember that it, like most other things in life, only has as much power as you choose to give it.
*Originally published September 2018